My Lonely Angel
by Hawkeye4077
Summary: The end of The Girl in the Fireplace from the Doctor's POV - 'I swallow against the lump in my throat, and then my eyes fall to the last line. I stare at the words, committing them to memory along with Reinette’s attractive face.'


**A/N: This is set just as the Doctor enters the TARDIS at the end of **_**Girl in the Fireplace**_** and is just something that sprang into my head as I watched the episode.**

**Disclaimer: no matter how many times I watch and re-watch the DVD boxsets for seasons 2, 3 and 4**,** I do not own this brilliant series, and all recognisable characters belong to the BBC and Russel T. Davies**

**Updated 15/06/10: I went through and made some minor changes but they have very little effect on the final product.  
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My Lonely Angel

Slowly, with my hands stuffed deep in the pockets of my suit trousers, I walk up the ramp towards the TARDIS' console – my usual boisterous energy completely faded at the knowledge that another human I grew attached to had perished. The fact that her death wasn't my fault is no consolation. Reaching the coral struts, I hear Rose's voice – curious and confused, "Why her?" My head jerks up but it takes a moment for me pull my mind free from that brilliant, beautiful woman who had so easily captured my hearts. "Why did they think they could repair the ship with the head of Madame de Pompadour?" Rose asks, and I can tell, from the way she fidgets with her hands pressed firmly to her sides and her slight frown, that this is not the question she intended to ask. Mickey looks as if he understands what it feels like to lose someone you're close to – Rose has (not in the same way , and I can't expect her to truly understand) and maybe Mickey has too, but I don't know, I never stop to talk to him. Not properly. Only to insult him for his lack of intelligence. Rude and not ginger, that's me.

"We'll probably never know," I say, finally managing to formulate a response as memories of the few times I spent with Reinette replay in my head, over and over again. "There's massive damage in the computer's memory database – probably got confused." I'm back to my usual defence now –shielding my emotions behind a barrier of technical detail as I wander gradually round to the monitor. "The TARDIS can close down the time windows, now the droids have gone. Stop it causing anymore trouble..." _Anymore pain..._

I start to type, instructing my TARDIS to begin closing the windows, to begin sealing the hole in the universe. Perhaps I should do the same thing – close off everything that happened, simply forget it; a fresh emotional scar to add to my growing collection. Yeah, that's it, focus on getting this giant-mess-courtesy-of-some-clockwork-droids sorted out and everything else will fade.

Rose and Mickey are still watching me – probably waiting for me to fall apart like a normal, weak human – I can feel their eyes on me. It's just a matter of time now; Rose'll soon put her unasked question into spoken words... "Are you all right?" There we go, right on cue. Determined not to undermine my answer, I put on my best unemotional mask and turn away from the screen.

"I'm always all right." However, whether it's my tired voice or the _lack_ of emotions on my face, neither of them seem convinced, and so I force a smile to my lips before turning my attention back to the controls in front of me. The smile is gone as suddenly as it came, and still Rose and Mickey stand there, watching as my hands move automatically over the buttons and dials. Hoping against hope that Rose will just leave it, will understand that I want to be alone, I can feel the girl's worried gaze on me, studying me as my façade remains stoically in place. That's all she is, a girl – a young woman in her species' terms – compared to me, this ancient Time Lord who's travelled the cosmos and survived unimaginable terrors.

There's nothing else I can do, anyway, to convince my companions that I'm really OK. Mainly because I'm not all right but also because I don't care – I just want to be left alone, the TARDIS' soft, soothing hum providing some comfort, as the letter in my breast pocket grows heavier and heavier next to my right heart.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Mickey shift closer to Rose and take her hand. "C'mon, Rose. It's time you showed me 'round the rest of this place," he says, pulling her with him as he moves towards the inner TARDIS door. I know it's a ploy to give me space, but I just can't bring myself to acknowledge this and so I continue to ignore them as they duck through the door, Rose's eyes still on me as Mickey pulls her away. At the sudden emptiness, I glance up. Maybe, just maybe, Mickey the Idiot isn't really an idiot – more like Mickey the Not-as-intelligent-as-a-Time-Lord-but-smarter-than-an-ape. Maybe he understands, maybe he knows.

I pull the letter carefully from my pocket and turn it over in my hands, gently prising the wax seal apart and unfolding the precious paper.

_My dear Doctor,_

_The path has never seemed more slow, and yet I fear I am nearing its end. Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again, but I think I shall not listen to reason. I have seen the world inside your head and know that all things are possible. Hurry though, my love. My days grow shorter now and I am so very weak._

I swallow against the lump in my throat, and then my eyes fall to the last line. I stare at the words, committing them to memory along with Reinette's attractive face.

_God speed, my lonely angel._

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_**A/N: This is my first foray into the world of Doctor Who and I'd really appreciate any feedback you can give me.**

**Also, I'm still pretty depressed at the Tenth Doctor's exit... even though I only started watching Doctor Who because of TEoT1/2 and I consequently watched seasons 2,3 and 4 in one week! xD**

**Update 15/06/10: If you're interested in my next Doctor Who story then please fill in the poll on my profile to help me decide which one of two stories to finish first. :D**


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